Some Special

Today I'm going to do something nice for my husband so that he doesn't leave me. I told him that I had a surprise for him. I hope he likes it a lot. Right now I'm semi botting with my fighter on DartMud. When she isn't agitated she's very soothing. She's a definate challenge to roleplay right though, because she lacks the biting tongue that Jask sometimes has around her friends. Of course, Altal only has a few friends, and that's only because she has helped them out a great deal in their beginnings. Sometims it's hard to play a character that has no debt to anyone. I don't know if I'd ever play a character that knows so much again. I mean, it's great saying "Yeah, I did this on my own" but damn is it lonely sometimes. It's ok though. She tells some rockin' stories about centaur culture on Oolachi. I kinda love her for it. And really, who is going to tell her "You're wrong!" There are no other centaurs that play on a regular basis.

So, Jask is going to take the back burner for a while. Mainly because everyone is always afraid she's going to open her mouth where it isn't appropriate. Granted, she has earned that reputation. She does talk too much. She's too helpful, and far too eager to please. She also suffers from the same crippling problem I have: She has to answer the question. She is also a terrible liar. I have no idea how someone can be a terrible liar when no one can see your face, but whatever. She manages it.

But back to my husband. Why he loves me, I'll never guess. I've been neglecting him for about 3 months now, though honestly it isn't entirely my fault. I mean, I have a problem. I have a serious problem. I've known that. It is why I stopped playing for a year. I knew that if I didn't stop my husband would leave me. We were having a hard time in our marriage because of his family and our living arrangements. I stopped playing because it sucked up so much of my time. He was unadmittedly jealous of the time I spent on Jask.

However, I have a serious problem in my brain. I cannot stand reality. It bores the crap out of me. I'm so used to fantasy entertaining me that I get extremely agitated when I do not have something to read, listen to, watch, or play. I did an insane amount of housework to keep myself occupied, but really there isn't much to do between folding loads of laundry. My husband and I drifted in and out of WoW obsessions. I still have an account to occasionally play with my DartMud buddies, but he sold his because he didn't want to be addicted. Which, honestly, I could tell that wasn't possible. We went out and did things. WoW did not consume our entirely life. We could drop it at the snap of a finger and go do something. It did not consume our every thoughts.

So whatever, one way of occupying my mind with him is out the window. His fault really. He wasn't in danger of WoW addiction. he was just alliviating boredom. He doesn't get it though. I don't think he's ever truly been addicted to anything except maybe FreeWorlds..and he kicked that. I stopped playing DartMud for him. I guess he figured out that I resented him a bit for it so he encouraged me to play again, but now I just can't stop when it's a good time to stop because it's always "one more improve" and "oh, Theodor is awake". It's pathetic. I hate myself.. but the only time I get my "fix" is on the game.

I'm hoping that writing about it will help. Especially since Rob doesn't let me talk about DartMud with him anymore.